So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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