one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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