I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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