At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
