I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
