Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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