hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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