i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
