god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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