Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
