so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
