Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
