There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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