Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
