I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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