We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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