Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
