she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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