i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
