16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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