She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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