Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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