We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize