mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
