This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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