why didn't you poke me back
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
