after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
