you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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