You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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