im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
vagina is talking i cant
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
