I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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