You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
