i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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