had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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