He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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