is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
