my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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