After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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