Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
