i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
