I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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