I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
