If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
