I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
