in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
