he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
