Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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