Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
