Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
