I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
