I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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