No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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