My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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