So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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