okay pat passed out under dana's car
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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