I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this boner is exhausting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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