You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
