i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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