I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
