Your mouth is God's brothel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize