its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
