Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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