I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
