there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
