First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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