Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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