i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Too much gin, very little bucket
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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