There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
