Texts From Last Night

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  (424): View more from California

  It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.

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  (424): It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection. http://tfl.nu/sw7e
  Replies (2) Good night (946) Bad night (1205)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?

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  (701): Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave? http://tfl.nu/y6y0
  Replies (17) Good night (4950) Bad night (1089)
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  (408): View more from California

  she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

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  (408): she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room http://tfl.nu/zqg2
  Replies (23) Good night (4962) Bad night (985)
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  (818): View more from California

  Everything about him screamed your future.

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  (818): Everything about him screamed your future. http://tfl.nu/rljr
  Replies (4) Good night (3331) Bad night (1006)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

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  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1795) Bad night (4555)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

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  (413): I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM... http://tfl.nu/mwn4
  Replies (32) Good night (7112) Bad night (1420)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.

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  (336): I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome. http://tfl.nu/6uzt
  Replies (18) Good night (3896) Bad night (1384)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (18) Good night (1584) Bad night (3140)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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  (720): Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad. http://tfl.nu/6s4w
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (1065)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.

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  (585): I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again. http://tfl.nu/lp5f
  Replies (6) Good night (1798) Bad night (632)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  was I really that bad?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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  (231): was I really that bad? (616): you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage http://tfl.nu/4ubm
  Replies (1) Good night (797) Bad night (455)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...

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  (719): id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex... http://tfl.nu/l03p
  Replies (4) Good night (863) Bad night (396)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

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  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
  Replies (11) Good night (482) Bad night (824)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Had a burrito last night in your honor

  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's the nicest thing you've ever done

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  (814): Had a burrito last night in your honor (208): That's the nicest thing you've ever done http://tfl.nu/rt3e
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM

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  (206): I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM http://tfl.nu/3frp
  Replies (5) Good night (322) Bad night (439)

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