Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.