She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.