I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
