Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't motorboat a personality
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!