Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
