Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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