Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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