I looked at my own cervix.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone signed my nipple.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
