I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
