quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
