You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My hand turned me down
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
