Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
