that's an acceptable place to lick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
