Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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